Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Fucktard Alert Level is…

Green, apparently.  I’m still alive.  You are, if you’re reading this.  And no global nuclear war broke out last night, despite the dire warnings of the House of Yahweh.

So I wanted to follow up yesterday’s phone call by contacting the whackos directly yet again.  I gave them plenty of time just in case they were in some different time zone.

Don’t try this at home, kids.  But if you do, their phone number is 325-893-5899.

HOY:  House of Yahweh.
ME:  I want to file a complaint.  I would appreciate if you would connect me to the proper party.
HOY:  What’s the nature of your problem?
ME:  You guys told me there was going to be a global nuclear war, and that I was quite likely to die.  So I figure there’s no better way to go out than sex, but the only girl around was really ugly.  I thought “Why not?  Not like I have to call her tomorrow”.
HOY:  This is impro---
ME:  So now, I not only have memories of this, but she knows where I live.  Do you realize how bad this is?  We thought we were going to die, so we didn’t use protection.  If we have an ugly baby, it’s your fault!
HOY:  Hold, please.

I have to hand it to them.  They came back to the phone fairly quickly once again.  If they weren’t rabid lunatics, I would recommend hiring them at the cable company.

HOY:  May I help you?ME:  Well, since you guys had me thinking we were all going to die in a nuclear holocaust last night---
HOY:  Have a good day, sir.
ME:  But if that woman from last night is pregnant, the ugly baby is on your conscience.
HOY:  Good day.
ME:  Do you know what a fucktard is?
HOY:  [Click]

7 comments:

autoegocrat said...

Is this for real? You really called them?

Freedonian said...

I did indeed. I might hit them one more time--- Something I thought of today that I didn't think of until after today's call.

Kate said...

Where do you get all this free time?

Freedonian said...

What do you want me to do when I'm driving down Poplar--- Pay attention to the road or something?

Timewalker said...

So, back to the important topic, how was "House"?

Freedonian said...

Not bad. Not necessarily one of the better ones, but his leg pain and vicodin addiction are back, so he'll be his old assholic self in no time. And thank goodness, because the "nice" House we've been seeing is pretty toothless...

Timewalker said...

Yeah, but even bad House is better than 90% of the crap on TV, right?
We've been catching up on USA, since we've boycotted FOX after canceling Firefly, and the US Open preempted their re-run of the last season's finale. Argh! So we saw the season premiere this past Friday.
Oh well, we'll be buying the DVDs anyway.

I could see cured House as an interesting direction for a few episodes, but I'm glad they are reverting.