Monday, September 11, 2006

Halimah Abdullah's Literary Offenses

With all due apologies to Mark Twain for borrowing his title... Given that the subject of this piece writes so badly that even James Fenimore Cooper looks like Bill the Bard by comparison, it seems fitting.

For those who aren't aware, Abdullah the Butcher wrote this in the Political Notebook:

If you can't beat 'em, blog 'em... Former Ninth Congressional District candidate Joe Ford Jr. grew tired of constantly responding to "flames," those personal, derogatory attacks on the Internet.
So he decided to fight cyber with cyber and wade into the flotsam that is local blogosphere punditry through his own site:

"Wade into the flotsam"? Is that what she calls writers that, unlike her, have firm enough a grasp on the English language to know that zoning laws dealing with whether or not adult shops can remain open on Sundays are not "sex crimes"?

Is "flotsam" defined as "people smart enough to know that black candidates playing "smear the Jew" isn't "Race-tinged back and forth between some African-American groups and Cohen"? After all, last time I checked, for it to be "race-tinged back and forth between some African-American groups and Cohen", Cohen would have to have fired back at some point, right? Wouldn't a journalist have been able to establish something like that? Are they not teaching anything about investigative journalism at whatever Clown College taught her to string a sentence together?

This, unfortunately, is the state of political coverage at the Commercial Appeal. Everything political runs across the desk of either this buffoon, or their better-known op/ed columnist that managed to turn a little girl's hairstyle into a six-part series.

Ready for the punchline? Who does the Commercial Appeal want moderating their congressional debate?

You guessed it... Halimah Abdullah. Her first two questions out of the starting gate will be "Senator Cohen, is it true you're a doodyhead?" followed up by "Tell us all how it's possible to be so great, Jake".

If this is the best that Chris Pecker can muster over at Memphis' "paper of record", then it's time to relegate the Commercial Appeal to its proper status as the "birdcage liner of record". For its coverage is worth little else.

I do not work for the Flyer, nor am I affiliated with it in any way; But when Jackson Baker, Chris Davis, or John Branston clip their toenails, what they discard has more journalistic talent than can be found on the Commercial Appeal's entire masthead.

I've bought my last Commercial Appeal, unless I see an issue with the headline "Talentless Hack Abdullah Indicted for Literary Offenses" with the subheader "War Crimes Against the English Language!" underneath.

PS: Hat tip to Wintermute for giving me a shout about the "flotsam" line.

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