I cannot even begin to describe all the things I saw and experienced there, so I narrowed it down to my top 3 favorite moments on this trip:
1. THE ALL-IN- ONE GAS STATION
There is nothing like multitasking on your lunch break. In this place, you can fill-up, get a hot meal from the daily buffet, and your hunting license while at it. Although you cannot tell from the picture, this place is way more than a passing by gas station.
OH - way more.
This place has built-in casino inside, and the convenience store comfortably stocks all the liquor and beer you may ever need. The booze is readily available right next to machete-size knives, fishing baits, hunting paraphernalia and dead baby alligator heads.
Food, booze, hunting, and gambling - all-in-one! Add a small chapel to this compound (Can’t leave Jesus out of this one) and you have the perfect destination vacation for Cheney loving Republicans.
2. The Bayou – By you: THE DRIVE-THRU DAIQUIRI SHOPS
These little shops are everywhere, so they quickly became my favorite native feature (imagine that…) on this trip. Actually, we went thru one that was located next to what it seemed like the remains of a now defunct campaign headquarters. The candidate that occupied said location was a Republican woman running for Mayor. She lost.
Needless to say, upon getting our taste of Louisiana's finest , we wondered what would have happened if Cohen’s headquarters had been located next to one of these, instead of a TCBY… I will reserve my own speculations about this scenario, as we failed to reach a collective conclusion on whether this would have been, in fact, a good idea or not.
That conversation, however, killed about two hours of our endless road trip, and we came out with some interesting ideas of what we could have actually done if we had had one of these lovely establishments within walking or driving distance from the HQ. As you see in the pictures below, these drive-thru bars have quite a varied “menu” -my favorite item being the DWI. Want a tequila shot with that?
Had we had one of those around during this past election time, we would’ve added a couple of victory specials to honor the defeated in the 9th Congressional battle, such as the "SAL" – Sore Ass Loser in (dis)honor of Jake Ford, or the "Miami Vice" – for Harold Sr. We could have displaced Beale Street Wet Willie’s world famous “Call-a-Cab” for a “Call-me-Harold.” I am pretty sure that Isaac and T-bag could have benefited from the “Attitude Adjustment” listed above. What about a "Dirty Bribe" for John? The possibilities, as you can imagine, could have been endless.
I had a great time in this state, and I am looking forward to my next visit down there. Sadly, I realize now that no matter where I go, the Fords are still with me. And there is always something there to remind you...
3. THE LSU DEER:
First they shoot you. Then they mount you. Then they humiliate you. Talking about death with indignity!!
(Note to self: Don’t fuck with the locals).