Okay, I did some digging around, and have unearthed the 5,000 missing emails. Really. Yes. Me. Uh huh.
And what I've discovered is that the missing emails have nothing to do with the prosecutor firings. They might have been mentioned a time or two in passing, but they weren't the subject.
It all started when George W. Bush opened the following email from Mr. Idris Musa, who claimed to work for the Bank of Africa:
I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I am writting to seek your coperation over this business deal.
In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of$15million USD(Fifteen million US dollars)only , in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in a plane crash that took place in Kenya,East Africa,the Late DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY,a citizen of Atlanta,United States of America but naturalised in Burkinafaso,WestAfrica and contractor with ECOWAS,(ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES) .
Needless to say, it was too good a deal for George W. Bush to pass up. Before you knew it, significant amounts of the Social Security fund (Remember his drive to privatize? This is what he meant), the National Treasury, and yes, the missing $9 billion from the Coalition Provisional Authority were tied up in what he called "investments".
The following is an instant message exchange between Edward Lazear, chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers, and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove:
EL6969: What the hell does POTUS think he's doing?
GWBRULES!: What do u mean?
EL6969: This foreign investment thing... It's the Nigerian bank scam!
GWBRULES!: Nuh uh. Can't u read? The email says "Burkina Faso".
EL6969: Yes, yes... They quit saying "Nigeria" because they were having trouble finding people stupid enough to buy into it.
GWBRULES!: It can't be the Nigerian bank scam if it's not in Nigeria. :P
EL6969: Please, just tell him to quit giving them money!
GWBRULES!: But this is how he plans 2 save Social Security!
It's unclear at this point just how much money George W. Bush has lost on this scam. I'm still about 4700 emails from getting to the bottom of it.